The warm, pink Balinese sky was the backdrop for lotus flowers that were gently floating in the poolside bar. No phones, emails, or kids, everything was perfect and here on retreat, the couple felt deeply connected.

Each morning it was yoga, meditation, massage – the works. They were glowing as their optimal selves. But soon after returning home, things felt dreary again, so back to therapy they would come. This was their pattern for years. He was preoccupied with work because that’s where he felt most appreciated; she felt resentful, projecting her perceived lack of achievement in the world onto him. In addition, his snoring didn’t help her bouts of insomnia.

One day, a friend alerted her to the newest sensation, “Have you heard about those sleep hotels? It’s the latest thing in wellness. You’ve got to try it! There are specially designed boutique guesthouses that have sound-insulated rooms, smart beds to track your biorhythms, melatonin lollies, a pillow menu, and even your own sleep butler!”

“Perfect, that’s exactly what I need”, she thought, and promptly made a reser­vation. Several days and a couple of thousand dollars later, she returned home to her husband and children, feeling brand new … until she wasn’t. As usual, tension and irritability arrived, and with an inbox filled with unread messages, she found herself searching for the next holiday destination.

“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” I told her.

The expression in her eyes turned sour, as though someone had just slapped her across the face. “Forget Bali and forget sleep hotels,” I said. “Have you considered your insomnia, relationship dissatisfaction, and reoccurring petulance are trying to tell you something?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You’re doing your best to seek happi­ness, better sleep, and more connection, but each time you orchestrate the perfect circumstances – time for contemplation, space to explore intimacy, and energy for meaningful change, you end up avoiding the very things you know you need to do; you’re choosing to hide instead.”

“Hide?” she said defensively.

“Yes. Tell me, during your stay at the fancy nap hotel, what did you change within yourself when you were there? What did you make a conscious effort to commit to? Did you use that time to reset your biorhythms and bad habits through active practices or simply have another luxury escape to justify your busy life?”

She didn’t respond but her body lan­guage informed me she was annoyed. I continued, “What if you did something radical? For a few months, stop seek­ing. Pretend that everything you need is already in front of you.” It’s simple. Want better sleep? Don’t scroll for hours and bombard your face with thousands of images of other people’s lives to compare yours to. Want to improve your mood? Invite pleasurable moments into your day that deescalate your sympathetic nervous system. Spark up endorphins through joyful movement and do small things that make you feel you’re achieving your goals. Want to feel the lotus flowers blos­soming between you and your partner? Stop avoiding uncomfortable discussions you know you need to have – about your sex life, parenting, vulnerabilities, fears, money etc, and show up to the relation­ship. Wipe the slate clean with one anoth­er, regularly. Instigate the affection you say you want and prioritise your love like it’s the most important thing to you. You deserve to feel good, and getaways or the latest wellness trends can feel sensation­al, but this constant oscillation between disappointment and excitement is deplet­ing the very energies you’re seeking to become the well-rested-full-of-vitality- I’m-radiating-all-the-time-because-I’m-doing-my-inner-work-sort-of-glow. That? That’s priceless, and you won’t find that at any sleep hotel. And this chatter you have in your head about not doing ‘more’ in the world or not being enough? Keep in mind the words of Admiral William. H. McRaven, who said, ‘If you want to change the world, start by making your own bed’, but more on that next session.”

Her body softened, and a mischievous grin appeared on her face. The woman was ready to turn a new leaf.

“Same time in a fortnight?” she asked.

“Indeed. Have a good evening, sleep well,” I said, mirroring her smile.

Did you know that certain species of land snails can sleep for up to three years as a way of surviving un­suitable conditions? They secrete a protective layer of mucus to remain cosy inside their shell. Dolphins fall asleep with half of their brain awake, each side taking turns so they can come up for air. But the most roman­tic sleepers of all? A bevy of otters, who tend to hold hands, so they don’t drift away from each another.

Annia Baron is a Clinical Psycholo­gist & Mindset Coach. Want to create a life you desire and deserve? Get in touch on Instagram @anniabaron or visit www.remindyourself.com