Words: Annia Baron

She’s a sought-after project manager and he’s a passionate stay-at-home dad. The woman tells me they have a good marriage and love their young children. Financially, the couple are well off, en­joy various hobbies, and have seemingly meaningful friendships. Despite being happy on paper, she’s grown increas­ingly irritable and easily agitated, and it’s affecting her relationship. “It’s as though I’m brimming with rage,” she tells me, and adds, “It can be over the smallest of issues. Sometimes I get so fix­ated on things; it’s hard to let them go.” With desperation in her eyes, she asks, “Is it perimenopause? I think I may have ADHD or OCD?” Before I have the chance to respond, she interjects with, “Maybe it’s anxiety or depression? I need to know so I can fix it.”

“Primarily, who does the cooking at home?” I ask her. “My husband. He provides me with options and I make the decision,” she explains. I enquire further, “When he takes the kids to the park, do you remind him to pack an extra pair of socks or make sure their water bottle are in the carry bag?” “I guess so,” she says. I go on, “Do you get frustrated with your husband because you feel he doesn’t understand the extent of consideration and organising it takes to balance your career, motherhood, and manage everyone’s emotions at home?” “Yes, yes!!” she responds emphatically. “He’s always telling me I need to relax, as though that’s the solution, and then initiates sex, but that’s the last thing I feel like when I’m so exhausted!” she expresses.

“He’s right,” I tell her, and watch as a subtle sneer appears on her face.

“Allow me to elaborate,” I say with a playful confidence, “Within each of us, we hold masculine and feminine energy. Masculine energy symbolis­es the ‘doing’ aspects of life such as exerting strength and power to influence or change things. The feminine energy reflects a sense of ‘receiving’ and being open to life. It relies on our ability to soften, trust and surrender to the natural order of things. Like the yin to the yang, these work in perfect harmony, and the polarity is imperative for harmonious, thriving relationships. When a woman is disconnected from fully embodying her femininity, she ends up physically depleted, emotionally unbalanced, and may depict behaviours that tick criteria for several psychological disorders. The same is true for men. When a man feels as though he can’t epitomise his authen­tic masculinity, he will lose confidence and stop taking charge of situations in fear that it will cause problems between him and his partner. From here, it gets worse. Subconsciously, she’ll interpret his lack of assertiveness as a failure to her and their relationship. After all, how can she let go and relax if she feels like she can’t trust him to manage life and take the lead? Her disappointment turns into resentment, and his need for appre­ciation, which fuels his ability to protect and service their partnership, continues to face rejection. The trap is set. She thinks that to feel better, she needs to assert more control, and he continues to feel emasculated. It’s no wonder sex goes out the window!”

“So, what you’re saying is that I’m a total control freak?!” she says laughing.

“It’s important to be accountable for replenishing your feminine energy, in the same way your husband is respon­sible for wholeheartedly connecting to his masculinity. Your mind and body are exhausted and yearning for a new and enticing ‘memory’ of what it feels like to let go. It’s not about relinquishing your control; it’s about knowing how to harness the essence of your energetic make-up. You’re very good at thrusting through life, I simply encourage you to become phenomenal at receiving too.

“Okay, where do I begin?” she says eagerly.

“Your first exercise? Go home, and tell your husband, ‘Honey, I no longer need you to ask me what I want for dinner. Instead, serve me in the loving way you always do. I trust you completely, so take the lead.”

“But what if he cooks something I don’t feel like?” she says, flustered. And before I have the chance to respond, she covers her mouth, drops her shoulders, and gasps, “Gosh, I really do need to let go, don’t I?”

“Same time next week?” I say with a facetious grin.

Annia Baron is a Clinical Psychol­ogist & Mindset Coach. Want to create a life you desire and deserve? Get in touch @anniabaron or visit www.remindyourself.com